Something must break

Diaryish

Let It Roll All Night Long


Title: The Doors – Roadhouse Blues

 

I don’t think most people in this world really have enough to say, to really blog as often as they do. Either I’m right, or I’m really just not getting how much you really should pour out in this world. I really don’t think you’re interested in reading about my daily outfit or what I ate for breakfast or what colour I’m thinking of. Neither do I think you’re interested in knowing that John Mayer listens to B.B.King’s “Live At The Regal” before doing a live show or such information. I really don’t think so, otherwise, I’d probably give you all these sorts of information daily. But I don’t, so unless someone out there comments me wrong here, I’m going to keep having this thought and follow that.

 

It feels like a lot of things are happening in my life. Almost like if something new is supposed to happen every single day. Of course, at the age I am, I’m supposed to be able to handle this easily, but it would be better if I had a bit more training with this during the last five years or so. I used to be a lot with friends and do a lot of stuff, but haven’t been up to these kinds of things the last five years. The closest is spending time with my girlfriend because of the travelling we have to go through to make that happen, but that’s still not the same thing. Anyways, if you’re not getting my point, I’m getting tired. I’m especially tired of being nagged about having to rehearse my driving all the fucking time. REALLY tired of that one. I shouldn’t have said yes to start driving again at the time I did.

 

To be quite honest, I’m as good as done with school now. It’s a hard feeling, since I always feel it being hard to quit or change a school. I’ll get through it, of course, but kind of hard and just weird not to be seeing the same people anymore. You get used to seeing the same people day after day, listening in on other people’s conversations, having a spot of your own in that specific society or community, if you’d like. It was easier to change school last time, because a lot of the same people were going to go to the same school I was starting, but now, now I’m not going to a new school. I’m going to try to make a worker out of me. Move out, start working. I’ll basically change everything in how my life is today. New profession, new city, new responsibility, new home, new way of meeting my girlfriend, new people.


Superwoman And Glassman


Who is this man in the mirror? I can no longer seem to recognize him. Not quite. But still, there’s something familar about him. He seems like someone I once knew. Someone who once smiled everyday and didn’t have a single sorrow or care in the world. This can’t be the same man. The man I’m seeing now, has big bags under his eyes. They are purple…ish. His caring wrinkles in his forehead, are well used. And he seems to be carrying some sort of burden.

 

No, this cannot be that same man. He is so serious. Even when he’s smiling, there’s something serious and dark and haunted about him. His cheeks are also too skinny. Too skinny and too untrained for the smiles this boy I remember once. This boy who had cheekbones made from steel from all his smiling. He used to take care of all sorts of people, both popular and unpopular, and tried to make everyone exploit their full potential. Now it seems like he’s the one in need of this. No, this man in the mirror is not the same person, I’m thinking about.

 

But still, there seems to be some kind of child within him, who’s just too afraid to come out. As if too many bad things have happened to him over the years to actually dare make an entrance. This little child within him who unwillingly makes him smile everytime he sees a baby. This child who wanted so badly to become a big brother. Eventually, that little child realized it was probably for the best that he was a lonely child. He wasn’t exactly thinking back at his childhood with great joy at the ending of it. The thing he remember the most, was the missing. The wanting to have a father around. So he hid under his father’s desk around the time he knew his father would come home, just so he could leap out and at least know that he would bump into his dad. But it wasn’t before years later that his father had any time to him. It was first when he had learned to be tough and manage on his own that his father had time for advices and started meddling into every aspect of the young boy’s life.

 

This man I see in the mirror is a damaged man. A glass man. A glass man whose glass just keeps hardening for every day. Sometimes, it breaks, but he slowly repairs it. Not as good as it was, but he repairs it. He’s worried about so many things in his own little glass world. More than anything is he afriaid something would happen to his girl. The girl of his dreams. The only girl in the world. The girl who happened to be the only one to make him feel less broken. This girl that keeps on helping him, making him stronger and happier, for every day of his life. This girl who is now his family. She is the reason he still gets out of bed every day in the morning. She is there to protect him at all time. She is always there for him. She is his superwoman. And he loves her with all the love he could possibly manage to squeeze out of his heart. He lives for her.


Falling in love is so hard on the knees


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Title: Aerosmith – Falling In Love (Is Hard On The Knees)

Yesterday, I was on a lovely date with my dear Emma. I wasn’t in the best shape, so we didn’t do very much, but we did do some nice things.

First of all, we talked! God, I love talking with her. It’s so good and comforting and it’s just nothing like talking to anyone else. She really knows me and gets me, and I her! I know we didn’t really sit down and talk seriously or anything like that, but it was just really something to talk to her, like really TALK, again. It doesn’t happen as often as it used to do. I think it’s because of me.

Second, we had fun! I’ve missed that so much as well! I mean, it wasn’t just tickling, we actually had fun both verbally and physically without just tickling. That was so fun and good and it filled me with a warmth I haven’t really felt in a while. I feel kind of embarresed for feeling all these feelings, but…I do.

Then to what we did. We walked to the Norwegian opera hall in Oslo and just felt the sun warm us while we were talking and having fun and we kissed and took pictures and…I was really happy. I felt a sort of happiness I hadn’t felt in a while.

But after a while, it got kind of chilly for me, so we went back to her place eventually, where we lied down and just talked and kissed for two hours. I miss her. I miss holding her in my arms, watching her face, feeling the warm feeling of safety. Feeling her arms around me as well.

Then we went to the cinema to watch the movie “Black Swan”. I couldn’t really stop looking at her. I wanted to just keep on watching her and kiss her during the whole movie. The movie was interesting, but I was more interested in my girlfriend. I don’t know why, but I’m very much in love with her lately.

After the movie, we headed back to her place, where we would eat trout for dinner. It tasted good, but I get full pretty fast when I’m sick, so I could only take one plate of it. It was a really pleassant dinner. There was laughter and joy and I felt like things were as they should be.

The rest of the day and date, I don’t wanna talk about. It’s a bit too personal. I just hope nothing I’ve already said is too personal as well. At least I hope it’s not for anyone but me.


February 3d, 2011


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Ironic to forget about writing a blog when I said I wanted to use it as a diary, ain’t it?

Today I woke up dreadfully tired. Luckily, I did not throw up today. This was my first day of taking a bus to school since…I don’t remember when, actually. It’s so freakin’ slippery because of ice today, that movement seems impossible.

My first lesson of today was history, where I learned about Mengele, Roosevelt and some other German guy, and that my teacher was born in Japan!

Then it was time for gymnastics, where I was going to skip it, since I’ve been sick for a long time now, but I wasn’t allowed to skip dancing, so I’ve re-learned how to dance waltz today. It’s not very advanced, but kind of hard to not do wrong when you’re in the moment.

After that it was lunch, quickly followed by a double lesson of language, where we first held some presentations and then were watching a Norwegian movie called “Nine Lives” from 1957, I believe. Quite good, actually. I’ve discovered the guy sitting in front of me is painfully irritating.

Then I got home, didn’t do anything special before dinner, then remembered I have a test in religion tomorrow, so I’ve been studying a bit for that. Also been talking with my girlfriend on Skype today a bit. It was very good to hear her voice again. Sadly it wasn’t that long of a conversation.

I think that’s my day, actually. It’s been a day.