Tonight I had set my alarm to go off at 03.45 AM. It was because I wanted to share a few text messages more before my girlfriend Emma got on her flight and went on a holiday. Her going on a holiday means it’ll be more expensive to send text messages, and so we’ll try to send less of them the following week from now. I unfortunately fell a bit asleep during the text messaging. Not really weird, as I fell asleep two hours before I was waken up again. If I had slept through the whole thing up until now, it would be less than 8 hours of sleep, so I guess I haven’t been sleeping a lot tonight, since I’ve gone on my computer to write a blog post now.
The bad thing is, that I fell too hard to wake up again around 6 AM, so when she got on her flight, I didn’t get to tell her that I love her. I didn’t get to tell her, as I’ve always told her before, that she mustn’t die and that the flight must go well. I didn’t get to reply to her three last messages. I didn’t get to tell her the most important thing in the whole wide world to me; I didn’t get to tell her that I love her.
I know it’s silly of me to think this way, but I’m really sad now and having a really bad conscience about not letting her know all these things. I feel that if her plane crashes, it will be my fault in a way, and it will also be horrible to know that if that happens and if she dies, she may have thought the last minute she was alive that I didn’t care enough to stay awake and perhaps that I didn’t love her. And I DO care enough and I DO love her! But it’s easy to fall asleep when you wait for a reply.
She really means the world to me. Without her, I wouldn’t be here. She saved my life the day we started talking together, which we’ve done every single day for the last two and a half years (and 17 days to be precise). She’s saved my life so many times, I really don’t know where I’d be without her. I’m in tears over the thought of that I might lose her now.
Emma, I love you
This entry was posted on 27/06/2011 by soniclizzz. It was filed under Emotions, Holiday, Posts I'll Always Remember, To Emma and was tagged with aeroplane, alarm, Business and Economy, emma, flight, longing, Love, love is real, missing, Mobile Computing, Network Specific, plane, Short Messaging Service, SMS, Telecommunications, Text messaging, waking up, Wireless Data, worried, worrying.