I Don’t Wanna Shout
Title: The Clash – London Calling
I like this song. Though I feel a slight resentment towards everything British lately, and more a belonging to America, I can’t help but to like some of the British music. I feel more and more trapped and feel like it’s harder and harder to breathe lately. It just feels like more and more things are forbidden and there are more and more chores for me to do, but I just don’t know how to accomplish them, so I end up basically just…ignoring it all. Don’t get me wrong, I HAVE tried at times, and I try something each day, but I just don’t feel like anything is ever good enough and that the things I’m pushing forward is too important to be forgotten. They are not really forgotten though. It’s more like they are just things I wish would solve themselves.
Other than that, I feel fine. Basically. I mean, I’m tired a lot, but I don’t cry each day anymore. That’s good. Big improvement. The damn problem with work, is that I want a job that really isn’t ALL THAT easy to achieve, and I’m not really sure who supports me and who doesn’t. It may end up being “a lonely, lonely road” (Daniel Lioneye, “Lonely Road”), but there’s nothing I want more than to work as an artist, and I really hope I can do exactly that some day. It feels like my mind and soul lately want me to run away to the South of America. To be precise, it seems like I want to go to New Orleans. I like their music. It’s so loose and free and it’s really just about having a good time.
Every time I hear someone’s got something to tell me, I can feel my heart pounding like a ship.
It feels like I’m really numb in a way lately. Numb and…happy about being in my own little bubble, doing what I want, whenever I have the opportunity to it, which seems to be a lot to write. I like to write and deal with music lately. Or maybe it’s just that I’ve refound the pleasure I’ve always in a way found in writing. I just feel it’s been a bit gone lately, because it seems like none of my teachers really enjoy my style of writing anymore. But everyone’s got an individual style, right? Right. I even want to write factual texts. I’ve considered making a sort of WordPress-blog that works as a newspaper. Though I can’t write about all cases in the world, I could cover the most important/interesting ones.
I somehow turned into a bit of a screw up, didn’t I?