Something must break

It’s Not War, Just The End


Title: Manic Street Preachers – It’s Not War, Just The End Of Love

I’m sick today. I’ve been slightly sick since Thursday, but today’s the first day I can’t really do ANYTHING! I don’t have the energy for it. I can feel being on the computer is tiring me out as well, so I’ll try to be quick. I just wanted to write something somewhere. Sometimes, I wish I had better male friends. I thought I had so now, but apparently, that best one of them likes calling me fat and poking my stomach to see it wobble for a bit. That’s hurtful, and makes me really insecure about myself again. I’ve started getting better self esteem, so I don’t like going back to where I used to be.

I think I’ve grown less than I’m showing. I think people feel like I’ve changed and grown a lot, but to be honest, I’m just hiding, because I hope things’ll get better, but time just keeps moving faster, and I’m more insecure about what I am to do with my life and how to get it done, and what I can be sure of and what I can’t. Things are easier with movies, music and games. That’s probably why I play so much lately. It’s not because I want to play that game, but because it’s entertaining and keeps my mind off of all the other things, and I can just be… Let’s just be.

Am I a nerd? And do I have a problem with it if I am? I think my life’s simpler when I see myself as a nerd or a geek or whatever you wanna call it. I think I’m a cool one, though, since my main fields are music and movies. But I don’t know. My image of me is changing a lot and I can’t really stabilize myself quite. This week has made me insecure again. It has made me unsure of what and who I am. But then again, who has a final definition of themselves?

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