Something must break


>It’s raining now. It was sunny when I woke up this morning. I used to love it when it rained, and hate the sun, but now, rain and dark weather makes me scared. I’m afraid of it. Terrified, to be quite honest. It’s okay when I’m not alone, but being alone while it’s “dark weather” (cloudy, rainy and such), is a nightmare.

I wished earlier today that I was alone though. It was sunny then. I had a revelation about what I wanna do with my music today. But I couldn’t do it, because I’m not home alone. I’m thinking of moving out. Moving to Oslo, being alone a lot, but still feeling better than I do here. It’s okay here, I guess, but this is not my home. I haven’t felt like this is my home since I was 12. I’m 18 now. I haven’t really had a home, before I met my girlfriend. I can really picture me being with her forever. I started being alive and not just compressing myself and not letting all my feelings stay inside, when I got to know her. She’s perfect for me, but I don’t think she realizes that at all time. Maybe sometimes. I’ll spend my entire life proving that for her if I have to. After all, I wanna be with her for the rest of my life, so why not spend it trying to make sure she knows how I feel about her at the same time? I love her more than words can explain, and I know it might seem silly to say, but she’s my soul mate. She really is.

I’m listening to Bob Marley now. There’s something about his music that’s not just happy. There’s something tormented there. Not sure if that’s just me, but I like it. Some songs doesn’t really have that feel to it, but “Concrete Jungle”, which I’m listening to now, does. “Three Little Birds” is quite a nice and cheery song. But now I gotta start listening more to the one Bob Marley album I’ve got, which is Catch A Fire (in deluxe edition).

Tomorrow’s got school. I’m not looking forward to having school now. I’m gonna see the adviser about me moving for myself to Oslo, working at a record shop. I can’t live like I do right now. It’s just too hurtful on my feelings and the one person that can help me, lives in Oslo. I’ll blog about how that went tomorrow. But now I don’t feel like blogging anymore


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